Helpful things to know about starting Therapy

It can be helpful to know what you might expect in starting therapy

Starting Therapy

Everyone has a unique experience in therapy, because everyone is a unique person. Together with the fact that your therapist or counsellor will also be a unique person, have specific tools of their trade and their style of communication, we can be sure of this...that your therapy experience will be different from anyone else's.

Finding the right therapist

If you do your research and reach out to someone who reflects your specific needs, this can be really helpful. For example, if you are queer, it can be helpful to see someone who knows what you mean when you talk about being part of a marginalised community, and knows the kind of situations queer people can be exposed to. It could be unhelpful to see someone who you have to educate on queer language and the queer experience, and who you may not be sure what they think about being queer. Likewise, if you are Autistic, you might seek a therapist who specialises in working with Autistic clients, perhaps someone with lived-experience, who you don't have to get-up-to-speed, so you can get on with and maximise your therapy.

Sometimes it can take time to find someone you gel with, and that's OK. Sometimes you might try a few sessions, but something just doesn't feel right, and that too is OK. On average, it takes around 6 sessions for you to begin to experience a strong therapeutic alliance, but that doesn't mean you need to ride it out to see. You're in charge, and any experienced therapist worth their weight will totally understand if you don't continue sessions. Once again, you are in charge of who you do therapy with.

Is there a right therapy?

Different evidence-based models of therapy have been developed to address different needs, goals and support, but you don't have to be the expert on knowing what model of therapy is going to be the best fit for you. Part of your therapist's job is to tailor their support to your needs. Ideally, a potential therapist will have a conversation with you before you begin therapy to see if your needs and their skills and training will be a good fit.

Once you start therapy, they might introduce you to therapeutic models outside of talk therapy (such as arts psychotherapy or somatic work) because they believe it might be helpful based on your experiences and goals. However, let them know if something feels uncomfortable or if it feels like a helpful process. Their job is to follow you and your needs, and they will likely ask for your feedback or takeaways to help clarify with you that the sessions are helpful to you.

Your interest or motivation will get you going

If you are interested or motivated to better understand yourself through a discovery process, the more you'll get out of therapy. Motivation and interest can look different for different people, so there's no "right way" to approach therapy. Simply put, you are going to participate, and that's all that's needed. Your therapist is unlikely to have any expectations of you, except to bring yourself, whatever that looks like.

You are the expert on your life experiences. A good therapist will work from that position. Whilst your therapist isn't an advisor, your teacher, your mentor, or your guru, they are there to support you as you go through whatever process you go through, both in and out of sessions. What support looks like is different for each person. Perhaps you want answers from your therapist...maybe you'll discover those answers through the therapeutic process.

The work can change your life

Sometimes it feels easy, sometimes it's hard, but it will be life-changing.

Therapy can help you understand yourself on a deeper level. It can provide you with tools to handle stress and change old patterns that might no longer serve you. It offers s a safe space where you can talk openly, gain fresh perspectives and consider ways of thinking and being in the world. Over time, you may notice yourself feeling lighter, more relaxed or confident, and more in control of your choices. In short, therapy can help you move from just getting by to really thriving.

Saying what you mean can be hard...

...but your therapist is there to help you communicate things. Talk therapy may be limiting for you, particularly if you are neurodivergent, so find out if your therapist has other tools they can use to help you share your experience.

There may be many reasons why communicating your experiences could be challenging, and that's ok. Your therapist should go at your pace, and follow you in what feels ok to share right now. They will support your process and guide you through the challenging aspects of it.

It's great if you can be completely honest with your therapist.

That includes telling them they have misunderstood you. If they are putting you first, they will undoubtedly be glad to have more clarity and insight from you. You can also talk about what you're feeling or what you're thinking about your therapist. We call that "the space between us", and for many models of therapy, it can help to uncover insights.

Final thoughts...

Your therapy experience will be unique, as will your relationship with your therapist. There's no right way to do therapy. Choosing a therapist who's a good fit for you. It's important for both of you, so you can maximise the impact of your therapy sessions. whoever you see or whatever your therapy looks like, the most important thing is that it's all about you.