Radical Self-Care Through a Neurodivergent Lens
- Tania Rose
- Oct 5
- 4 min read
Radical Self-Care Through a Neurodivergent Lens
Radical self-care (RSC) isn’t bubble baths and scented candles. It’s the everyday work of protecting your energy, your time, and your needs, especially when the world isn’t set up with you in mind. Through a neurodivergent lens, RSC says: my brain and body are not problems to fix; they’re real, valid starting points for how I live. That idea fits with the social and human rights models of disability: most barriers come from environments and rules, not from you...and you have the right to shape life around what actually works.
What Radical Self-Care can look Like
There is no right formula for RSC. It will be unique to the person it applies to. However, there can be some common aspects to it, such as:
1) Giving yourself permission...on purpose.
Many of us were trained to ignore our limits, keep saying yes, and “push through.” Self-permission is the opposite. It’s choosing, over and over, to rest, to say no, to take a pause, to leave early, to ask for clarity, to do things differently, even if it looks unusual. It might feel awkward at first. That’s normal. Think of it like building a new muscle.
2) Starting with access, not with fixing yourself.
Instead of “how can I be less sensitive?” try “how can I make this space or task fit me better?” That could mean noise-cancelling headphones, predictable routines, text-based communication, short breaks between clients or classes, lighting you can control, or clear agendas for meetings. Access isn’t an add-on; it’s the base layer.
3) Respecting your energy budget.
Some tasks take a tiny spoon of energy; others wipe you out. Track what drains you and what restores you. Plan around that reality. Book lighter days after social or sensory-heavy days. Batch tasks that use the same kind of attention. Keep wiggle room. You don’t have to “earn” rest; you need it to function.
4) Honouring your timing.
Many neurodivergent folks need extra warm-up to switch tasks, quiet time after socialising, or regular micro-breaks to keep from tipping into overwhelm. Build that into your day. Set alarms for breaks. Protect recovery time like you would a medical appointment.
5) Recognising boundaries are bridges, not walls.
Clear limits help relationships last. Try practical scripts: “I can do a 20-minute call at 3pm,” “Please text first as unexpected calls are hard,” “Short visits work best for me.” Naming your limits up front can make connections easier, not harder.
6) Use joy and fit as your success markers.
If you’ve spent years measured against someone else’s norm, swap the metric. Ask: Does this feel like me? Does it bring steady, repeatable ease or joy? Those are valid signs you’re on the right track.
Doing Things Differently (On Purpose)
Cultural rules often praise overwork and constant availability. RSC flips that script.
Work: Ask for async comms, written agendas, or outcome-based goals instead of strict hours. Choose quieter spaces or work from home when possible.
Study: Request flexible deadlines, alternative formats (oral, visual, practical), and sensory-friendly study spots.
Social life: Plan low-stim get-togethers, choose smaller groups, or keep “white-space” days with no plans or light structures (depending on what works for you). It’s okay to leave early or not go at all.
These aren’t “nice-to-haves.” They’re reasonable adjustments that support your rights and wellbeing.
Common Roadblocks (and what can help)
Guilt and “shoulds.”
You might feel bad for resting or for needing predictability. Remember: guilt sometimes comes from messaging you absorbed, not from a moral truth. Try a small reframe: “Rest now so I can show up later,” or “Predictability keeps me steady.”
Pushback from others.
When you add boundaries, some people will miss old access. That’s about change, not your worth. Keep a few simple phrases ready: “I want to talk...short calls work best,” “I can come for the first hour,” “Texting helps me reply thoughtfully.”
Institutional barriers.
Policies can lag. Write down what you need, gather notes from professionals if helpful, and ask an ally to join meetings. Translate needs into simple, concrete requests: “I’m asking for X so I can do Y reliably.”
Mixed feelings.
There’s often grief in discovering limits and fear about making changes. That’s okay. Move in small steps and track wins, even tiny ones.
Building RSC With Support
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Working with a therapist, supervisor, coach, or peer mentor who understands neurodiversity and rights-based practice can make a big difference. Together you can:
Map patterns. Notice sensory triggers, social energy costs, and decision fatigue. Turn those insights into specific changes at home, work, and study.
Create micro-protocols. Short, repeatable routines for starting the day, switching tasks, decompressing after social time, or preparing for sleep.
Practise advocacy. Rehearse asking for adjustments, write email templates, and role-play hard conversations so your words are ready when you need them.
Design recovery time. Put non-negotiable rest and nourishment on the calendar (ie; sleep, movement, focused interests, creative play, time outside) without moral judgment.
A good helper won’t try to “normalise” you to fit the setting. They’ll help shape the setting to fit you.
Getting Started (Small, Kind, Consistent)
Pick one pain point. Maybe it’s noisy meetings, long school days, or crash-and-burn weekends. Choose one change that would help the most.
Make it concrete. “I will use ear defenders and sit near the door.” “I’ll schedule a 10-minute buffer after every session.” “I’ll block two ‘no plan’ evenings per week.”
Build tiny habits. Tie the new thing to something you already do: after I send a client email, I take a 3-minute movement break.
Track what works. A quick notes app or a paper log is enough. Keep the stuff that helps; scrap the rest.
Ask for backup. Share your plan with a trusted friend, colleague, or therapist. Let them support your follow-through.
A Gentle Close
Radical self-care is quiet and practical more than it is glamorous. It’s choosing conditions that help your nervous system feel safe and steady, again and again. Seen through the social and human rights models of disability, RSC isn’t selfishness. It’s a way of claiming your right to exist as you are and to build a life that fits. Start small, be kind to yourself, and invite supportive people into the process. You’re not asking for special treatment. You’re asking for what you need to thrive...and that’s completely reasonable.
