Internalised PDA in Autism: When the Fight is Inward

Internalized PDA can be experienced as immobilization and inner conflict

For many Autistic individuals, the Persistent Drive for Autonomy (PDA) does not always present in the overt, externalised behaviours that are often described in popular or clinical discourse. Instead, for some, the desire for autonomy may turn inwards, becoming internalised. This internalised PDA can manifest as heightened self-criticism, task immobilisation, or a deep sense of frustration with the self—all while a powerful inner resistance thrums beneath the surface.

Whilst each person's experience of this kind of PDA is unique, having a general understanding of this internalised experience is critical, not only for therapeutic and educational practitioners but also for Autistic individuals navigating their own interpersonal dynamics and sense of self. While much of the existing literature focuses on behavioural expressions of PDA that challenge authority, defy instruction, or assert radical independence (some of which one could argue misrepresents the PDA experience), internalised PDA is quieter on the outside. It is no less often significantly disruptive to one’s wellbeing, but its camouflaged nature can render it invisible, even to those experiencing it.

What Is Internalised PDA in Autism?

Internalised PDA refers to an Autistic individual’s experience of internal resistance. This can also be tied to previous experiences of suppressing their own needs in order to meet perceived expectations and maintain a sense of safety in environments where their autonomy in managing their capacity may not be fully realised. This suppression may have become habitual, often beginning in childhood, particularly in environments that are highly controlling or where compliance is heavily rewarded. This means that a person's internal state can be hidden even from themselves, disguised as something else (such as laziness or stubbornness), resulting in shame and self-punishment.

Rather than outwardly resisting demands, individuals with internalised PDA experience the struggle inward. They may experience:

• A deep sense of internal conflict when required to do something—even when they have chosen to do it or want to do it

• Somatic symptoms such as anxiety, shutdown, or dissociation when faced with expectations, tasks, or obligations

• A pervasive fear of disappointing themselves or others, leading to chronic self-masking or hypervigilance

• A near-compulsive need to self-advocate, but a simultaneous fear of perceiving themselves as being difficult, ungrateful, or rebellious.

  
  

The result is an internal landscape fraught with ambivalence: the drive for self-determination clashes with the learned imperative to comply or avoid punishment or consequence. Over time, this incongruence can erode one’s sense of self, leading to burnout, identity confusion, and diminished agency.

Why Does It Go Unnoticed?

Because the external signs of distress may be muted, internalised PDA in Autism is often misinterpreted. The person may appear to have low support needs, be generally cooperative in their outward attitudes, and at times be highly productive when hyperfocused or working in an area of special interest, all whilst privately managing immense psychological strain. Expressions of distress—if articulated at all—might be dismissed as illogical outbursts, emotional turmoil, anxiety, perfectionism, or depression without exploring their origins in a thwarted drive for autonomy.

Furthermore, when one’s PDA experience is internalised, a person's desire for autonomy may manifest through indirect or socially sanctioned avenues: a reluctance to identify one's own needs, resisting or not accepting help, an insistence on doing things a certain way despite the cost, or a chronic resistance to self-imposed schedules or tasks. These expressions are rarely identified as PDA and may instead be seen as personality quirks or maladaptive behaviours.

Finally, when combined with experiences such as processing delay, internalised PDA may take time to recognise, which can result in additional shame and a sense of internalised ableism.

Recognising the Signs

It is important for Autists, therapists, educators, and support people to attune to more subtle indications of internalised PDA, such as:

• Repeated postponement of tasks or self-sabotage under the guise of something else (such as perfectionism,

• Expressed eagerness to comply with own decisions, followed by exhaustion or withdrawal

• Frustration that might appear to others as disproportionate to the situation

• External expressions of sensitivity, including a hyper-awareness of power dynamics or control

• Self-critisism or using negative labels describing the self

  
  

It is important to try to better understand these experiences within the context of a legitimate and often necessary drive for autonomy—one that may have been systematically discouraged or misunderstood.

Helping Strategies: Supporting Autonomy from Within

Supporting ourselves and others with internalised PDA requires a nuanced, respectful, and trauma-informed approach. Below are some guiding strategies:

1. Normalise the Drive for Autonomy

Begin by validating one's need for control over one's life, including the internal world. Develop understanding that autonomy is not selfish or oppositional—it is an integral part of psychological safety and identity development and expression. Consider language for this experience, which can reduce shame and foster self-compassion and recognition of these experiences as not being psychological or personality flaws.

2. Cultivate Choice in Micro-Moments

Rather than making autonomy a grand gesture, embed opportunities for choice and agency into daily routines. This might include choosing when and how to complete a task, deciding how to communicate a need, or selecting from a set of options. Even small, low-stakes decisions can help restore a sense of control. This can help build or maintain capacity in other areas.

3. Explore what one's own experience of internalised PDA is like

Consider times when internal resistance didn't make sense or seemed to be in contrast with one's needs or desires. Explore authentic ways to describe or represent these experiences in some way.

4. Build Safe Exit Strategies

Provide permissions to say “no” safely. This may involve developing scripts, practicing exit thoughts or self-talk phrases, or establishing pre-agreed signals to opt out of situations. Reducing the perceived risk of asserting autonomy can be profoundly liberating.

5. Invite Self-Collaboration, Not Compliance

Shift the dynamic from instruction to invitation. Frame self-requests as collaborative possibilities rather than obligations. “Would it feel right to try…” is more autonomy-affirming than “You need to…” and can lower the nervous system’s threat response.

6. Attend to Somatic Cues

Autistic individuals with internalised PDA often have finely tuned internal barometers of perceived threat or coercion. Consider noticing bodily signals—tightness, breath-holding, restlessness, pain, aggitation—as early indicators of autonomy threat. Gentle body-based practices or stimming can support reconnection with one’s internal sense of safety and agency.

7. Support Identity Repair

Many individuals with internalised PDA have internalised narratives of being “difficult,” “lazy,” or “too sensitive.” Help reconsider these interpretations. Consider what might be different if autonomy had always been welcomed rather than punished? This re-authoring work can be deeply healing.

A Final Thought

Internalised PDA does not generally make itself known through outbursts or open defiance—it resides in the quieter recesses of a person’s lived experience. It is a private experience, one that seeks to protect the self in circumstances where authenticity may have been unsafe. Recognising and supporting this expression of autonomy can help provide a deeper understanding and self-compassion towards self.

By shifting our gaze from what is outwardly expressed to what is internally felt, we begin to make space for a fuller understanding of autonomy in the Autistic experience. And in doing so, we honour the deep and often invisible work of reclaiming one’s right to exist on one’s own terms.